


One among Seven Billion

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Gen, Introspection, Post-Episode: s10e08 The Lie of the Land, The Doctor makes a promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 00:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11242692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: "Because among seven billion, there issomeone like you."Bill smiles at his words, lighting up like a newborn sun, and The Doctor hates himself with a fiercer passion than ever before.





	One among Seven Billion

**Author's Note:**

> Because I slways felt there was something much more hiding behind 'Because among seven billion, there is someone like you"

"Because among seven billion, there is    
someone like you."   
  
Bill smiles at his words, lighting up like a newborn sun, and The Doctor hates himself with a fiercer passion than ever before.   
  
"That’s why I put up with the rest of them." It has to get worse before it gets better, he thinks, swearing to himself as he continues to speak despite his own disgust at his words.   
  
He was telling Bill that she was special and unique and he loved her ever so much.   
  
And while that was true, it was also what he said to all those before her, however many there had been of them. Twenty? Fifty? Five Hundred? He didn't know, couldn't know - not because he forgot, but because just like with his age he had started over and lost count more times than there was companions to have distracted him. Some regenerations had just had so many, a new one running around almost every month.    
  
They'd been so damaged and so desperate to not be alone, that they'd taken on anyone and let them come and go as they wished, just so he could feel a sliver of appreciation that filled a bigger hole.   
  
It was what he did when he lost Susan   
  
And Jamie and Zoe   
  
And Sarah Jane   
  
And Rose    
  
It was what he always did, when real love slipped out of his hands. He replaced it with a cheap substitute, consisting of encouragement and awe from the new companions that he switched almost as often as he switched clothes.   
  
Sometimes there was more of them, sometimes fewer. Some stayed longer, some shorter, but they were all replacements in the end.   
  
After Susan, there'd been Vickie, Steven, Dodo, Katarina, Sara, Polly and Ben. So many faces just passing by in a blur, one girl after another discarded because none of them were like his Susan. The men came and went, too, and somehow he suspected he was trying to compensate for the loss of Ian and Barbara, too, though he'd never admit it.   
  
They'd been his first companions, and though both sides had been unwilling to begin with, it'd been special.   
  
After Zoe and Jamie there'd been Liz and Jo, John Benton and Mike Yates. Even to some extent Sarah Jane and The Brigadier. He'd been hurt and confused and trapped in a body that never felt quite right, and they'd indulged him and made him feel more comfortable in what was never a perfect fit - a body never quite meant to be. 

 

They helped him make it by without resorting to the desperate measures he might have otherwise.   
  
After Sarah Jane there'd first been two regenerations of Romana, seeking out his own kind in hopes that it would be less fleeting. It didn't work, hurt him more, and then came Leela, Nyssa, Tegan, Turlough  Adric and Peri. Losing Sarah and Romana as well bled over into the next regeneration, his fifth body crowding the TARDIS more than ever before, and today it was quite clear why in a way it hadn’t then.   
  
After Rose there'd been Martha and Donna. Both of them without doubt absolutely brilliant, but not getting what they deserved. The leftovers after a storm, broken little piece of debris used to try and rebuild a house- it would give you something, but not the same as the house you'd originally had.

  
Because the debris pieces wasn't the same as the house.   
  
And now, now he was scarred he was doing it with Bill and Nardole - and possibly Missy - after all that happened with River.  He told himself he wouldn't - couldn’t, because he wasn’t that cruel - but it was hard to believe it when he knew he'd done exactly the same thing so many times before.    
  
He never meant to be cruel, but he was always desperate - desperate enough to do what he felt necessary.   
  
He turns and walks away from Bill, still sitting at the edge of the monk statue, if for no other purpose  than to hide his tears as he made himself a promise: He was going to love Bill, and appreciate her, for every little inch of who she was, and not because she reminded him of others.   
  
She was never going to be a replacement.   
  
  



End file.
